Tag Archives: humor

The best part of breaking up

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The best part of breaking up

Might be Folger’s in your cup. Rediscovering yourself is always the best part. Reclaiming music you couldn’t listen to while grieving is a close second… it made you happy before damnit! This does not happen overnight so until then here are some steps I know I take to get to that point.

Being a chick it is more acceptable to be emotional so if you have anything you need to say to your former beau feel free to knock a couple back, let loose, and blame it on the a-al-cu- alcohol it’s already done and over with so what do you have to lose?

Make an ass out of yourself. Let loose. Dance like a fool. Be “that guy or girl” who screams “THIS IS MY SONG” at the bar. It’s best to do this at a place you don’t plan on frequenting anytime soon and make sure if you decide to use alcohol as an excuse to have a designated friend to drive you home and tell you that you look marvelous even when you’re hugging the toilet.

Make a playlist. Use music to express how you feel. If you want to feel like less of a sap go for some thrasher metal. Also remember there is no shame in listening to Toni Braxton and wanting your heart to be unbroken. If your ex is a complete tool, might I suggest some Lily Allen. Also, if they are a tool it makes getting over them a lot easier!

Remember why you are dateable in the first place. Tell yourself it will be ok. Or if you are still in sappy mode, get a pep talk from one of your friends. Listen to some Gloria Gaynor and know that you will survive! Get all spiffy looking and flash a really great smile at someone. Chances are you just made someone’s day by making them feel good about themselves too!  Even if you feel awful at least you look pretty fly.

In the age of social media it is pretty easy to find someone who feels like you do. Misery loves company! I know when I’m in a foul mood for whatever reason the last thing I want to hear about is how happy someone else is. So find a friend, follower, or “friend” who is also having a bad day/week/year and have a pity party. Have a few pity parties. Have several pity parties.

Do something for you. Take a mini roadtrip. Get a haircut. Splurge on that album you’ve been dying for. Go for the top shelf stuff. Even normal liquids can feel more high class out of a wine glass and if you want to feel like something super special you could even put your pinky out! After all, you deserve it!

Above all take care of yourself like Kai the Homeless Hitchhiker said: “No matter what you’ve done you deserve respect, even if you make mistakes, you’re loveable. And it doesn’t matter your looks,your skills…” and so on.  Even Honey Boo Boo’s mom found someone!

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Don’t Judge a (Face)book by it’s Cover

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     What’s the first thing you do when you add someone on Facebook? You go through everything they have. Don’t lie,we all do it. What kind of embarrassing photos do they have? Who are they dating? What friends do we have in common? Do they prefer Pepsi or Coke? After all that then one can make stupid judgments on them.

     Although social media brings people together it also tears them apart. I think the best example is showcased around election time. I am guilty of posting pro- my views stories on Facebook as much as the next person so I can’t really knock anyone for doing the same. What I did find however is that I was beginning to look at my “friends” and friends differently.

     Those I am close to in reality a lot of the time had views that opposed mine I didn’t even know existed. Even more remarkable than that is the fact that we interacted quite frequently and rarely if ever the disagreements came up in conversation. 

I have an eclectic group of friends. Hippies.  Metal heads. Gays. Straights.Crookeds. Neo nazis. Republican. Democrat. And everything in between. I may not agree with everything they stand for or against but if I judged them on their beliefs what kind of person would that make me? What it boils down to is respecting differences.

                Even if we think we know someone upon meeting them you really don’t know them until you LISTEN to them. In life and on Facebook, I’ve found that rather than making comments and discouraging those around you listening to other people’s stories and views is far more enlightening than shoving beliefs at them.

                After you check out everyone else’s deep, dark secrets of Facebook look at your own. Going back to the beginning of my page brought back plenty of good memories, embarrassing photos, and trying to figure out who I was dating when I was “in a relationship” was quite a struggle. Figuring out why I dated some of them was even more difficult. Hindsight is 20/20 so go easy on yourself when strolling through your memory lane!

I’m so Moving on Yeahhh

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I’m human. I get sad, angry, and so on. I think one of the worst things I do is doubt myself. I was hesitant about using this as my essay for getting accepted to my school choice but figured “Why not, this is me. Unapologetic and honest”. After five weeks of waiting, being me paid off. Even if I suck at plenty of things like relationships, math, physics and a million other things at least I know I got to where I am by doing it my way.

While talking to my academic adviser /life coach/ professor, Ed Ackerman about my anxiety of moving away from my current location I brought up another one of my assumed faults: being impatient. Ed just smiled and said “that’s the charm about you, that’s how you get things done”.

So if patience is a virtue, and I do not have patience I am not virtuous… at least in that aspect, but at least I get things done.

Getting accepted in to Arcadia or any four year school has been a dream of mine for a long time, and now I can say I’ve accomplished that. Taking everything in to consideration I’m still scared shitless. Let’s be honest, I do enjoy being close to my hometown, but there’s nothing for me here. I like going outside of my comfort zone, changing up routines, and having a good laugh whenever possible.

Here’s the essay I submitted to Arcadia:

The main reason I want to attend Arcadia is to separate myself from the depression of living in a once flourishing area. Sure in the heyday, Northeastern Pennsylvania was one Hell of a place to live but now it’s filled with one dead end job after another.

I won’t say that living in the Wilkes-Barre/Hazleton is all bad. Most of the people are very hard working, and drinking neither of which are bad in moderation. Both of my parents are highly motivated and passed on that gift to me.

The borough in particular that I live in is your typical small town. You cannot so much as take your trash out without someone seeing you and forget making a last minute grocery store run in your pajamas. I swear as soon as the neighbors know you are not dressed to impress everyone from your second grade teacher to your ex best friend’s cat groomer knows you went out looking like a mess.

I want to be able to go “grocery shopping in my pajamas” so to speak, and such a populated area so far away from the place I have called home most of my life, Arcadia University will allow me to do so.

I know I am one of very few registered Democrats in the quiet suburb that is Conyngham. Everyone acts so entitled because they married someone with a strong Italian last name or one of the political talking heads that have yet to be busted for corruption. As for me, I live and let live. Who am I to judge what is wrong and right when I myself am finding out the difference between morally “right” and what the “good book” says.

Aside from that, the amount of narrow minded beings that live in my general vicinity is downright absurd. Immigrants are not to blame for all of the world’s problems but many think they are. The saddest part is that most of them are immigrants themselves.

Upon my travels up and down the East Coast, I found that not everyone thinks so negatively. Maybe I am just a big fish in a small narrow pond, but I look at my education, journalism background and Arcadia as my way out.

Also, the fact that because I am a Phi Theta Kappa member and I get a hefty scholarship makes the burden of paying for my schooling a bit easier.

You Can’t Always Get What you Want… but if you try Sometimes…

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Life has a funny way of making that very clear to me.  Maybe Morgan Freeman said it best in Bruce Almighty when he rattled off something like “when we ask God for strength does he just hand it to us, or does he give us opportunities to be strong.”

I for one am one of those people that if something is “too easy” there has to be something wrong. As time has gone on, I realized that the “easy” times are the silver linings to a hectic thing called life and to not take them for granted.

No matter what, I am always going to have the complex of “too good to be true” but after the newness wears off and the blinding gold flakes off, nothing is perfect.

Never did I think that at 20 years old I would be engaged to be married. I also didn’t think that a month later I would be single. For a while I thought that would be the emotional death of me and for a week or so that was true. Then I got over it.

Some dream of the Hollywood romance a la “The Notebook” and Disney movies, and wait around for their literal or figurative prince charming. Are there many women out there that would really fight for love like that? If you have to fight for it was it meant to be in the first place?

Sure there were signs my relationship would not work out but I just wanted so badly to have the “happily ever after”… but that happens at the end of the story and I’m not even close to being finished with my accomplishments.

I look at it as the higher power’s way of proving to me just how strong I am and that he wasn’t my Prince Charming.

“The best part of breaking up is finding someone else you can’t get enough of.”- Liz Phair

Even though I think I don’t need anyone… deep down I want someone who laughs at my stupid jokes that I can call “mine.” In the meantime I’ll continue doing my thing and focusing on other things I think I need… like another shade of red lipstick.

Confessions of a College Student

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It’s tough being awesome sometimes. I only have a few decades on  me. I’m a semester away from my associate’s degree. I have a job in my career field. I have my car paid off and I have my own place. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal right?
    Well, let’s put it this way. I work a full time job to pay my bills. My part time job furthers my career but only covers my gas costs for the month.
    I go to community college because it’s all I can afford.
    My current car is my third and was gifted to me because I blew the engine in my Taurus I just shelled out $1200 to fix.
    My friends ask me for rides all the time and don’t have the money to compensate my gas whore.
    Having a bad day and need a place to crash? Yup, my couch is where it’s at!
    Need a place to drink without parents breathing down your neck. My place is the place to be!
    If anyone needs an English, philosophy, ethics, or argument paper written, I am so your chick.
    I should be a life coach. I would probably make way more money doing that then writing real estate feature stories.
    Overpriced two-story home renovated in the same year I was born is a “great buy.” Yeah that’s me too.
    My job is the perfect culmination of the truth and leaving out MINOR details such as how horrific the backyard area is but at least there are skylights in the master bedroom!
    My own apartment is nothing special. One bedroom, full bathroom, two-seater kitchen and large living room. Retro carpeting throughout and a bay of windows in the living room.
    Classic 1970’s style kitchen with plenty of cabinet space.
    My apartment made me start to pray more.
    “200 year old historic building has original wiring by Thomas Edison.”
    Any day my hairdryer or microwave does not burn down the building is a good day.
    Cable included along with water, sewer, garbage and electricity.
    A neighbor who likes to party until 4a.m and another who gets up at 5a.m and roams the hallway also included.
    Off-street parking is offered for those who are not a fan of parallel parking.
    Access to interstates 80 and 81 as well as routes 93 and 309 is a hop,skip, jump, or gas pedal away!
    The quaint area is family oriented and the post office and Whispering Willows park are the best neighbors anyone could ask for.
    The area is so small that you cannot go anywhere without seeing someone you know.
    Any “quick trip” to the neighboring shopping facilities soon turns in to a two-hour excursion catching up with everyone from your elementary school teacher to your high school friend’s mother’s uncle’s cat groomer.
    The living room has a lovely celestial tapestry hanging on the ceiling.
    In reality: the ceiling has water damage from 1989 and was never replaced.
    Puke green shag carpeting is featured in the 18×24 living room and yellow-orange is in the bedroom.
    There are two bleach spots in the spacious living room that are covered with $50 rugs from Bed Bath and Beyond.
    So after this little tirade I’ll get to the positive aspects.
    I like that my friends look to me to help them out. In fact, it’s nice to be needed! When I go through breakups or a bad day they are always here for me with a bottle of Moscato to lend a hand!
    Fact: I like writing, and (community) college gave me the opportunity to meet some really great people.
     On a Saturday, the post office is the best place to catch up on the gossip from the Desperate Housewives of the Valley.
    I have the gift of gab and I like chatting with people.
    Knowing that I will see someone I know no matter where I go gives me motivation to dress nicely.
    Being gifted a car lets me know my friends believe in me.
    My apartment is a throwback from the “good old days” and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
    I have another confession to make, I’m no fool.
    Do I want to live here forever and write about houses? … Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. For now it works.