Darwinism and Cosmo

Standard

Disclaimer labels insult our intelligence.

A bag of Planters Peanuts has ingredient as peanuts…along with a warning for people with nut allergies.

Do not operate machinery while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Milk even has an ingredient of milk…oh and vitamins too.

My dollar store Magic Duster Swiffer thing tells me I should only use it for cleaning purposes. Don’t drink bleach. Refrigerate after opening

. Please recycle. Alcohol may cause health problems. Don’t stick your hand in to the cappucino machine. Your coffee beverage MAY be hot. Well, I paid for a hot coffee damnit and I wanted a bag of peanuts so this bag better contain them.

     I am staying at home while enjoying my alcoholic beverage so who needs to operate a car? Drinking bleach doesn’t sound like fun to me, recycling should be a choice and what could I possibly use my Swiffer for other than cleaning?

     Maybe I should get more creative like those people who write in to Cosmo. Is that really something to aspire to be? I like to think of my blog as a PG experience… so I won’t go in to graphic detail but let’s just say I’m afraid of heights and not as flexible as those girls.

     Well anyway, I think warning labels and laws defeat the purpose of Darwinism. Aside from the turtles from Galapagos or some nonsense like that, Darwin had a good principle for life and I look at it this way: stupid people do dumb things, hurt themselves and if they continue to do dumb things they die. I don’t think that is necessarily a bad thing.

     Go ahead. Judge me. But I think it should be up to an individual’s discretion on how to go about running a lawnmower even if it ends with them putting their fingers in to the blades. I bet they won’t do it next time. I am not saying I am the smartest person, but I learned a lot from firsthand experience.

        Do not drink on an empty stomach. Driving while drowsy is a bad idea. Chances are if it smells wicked bad…don’t drink it. Do not move a lamp with a broken shade while you have furniture oil on your hands or you will end up with a second degree burn and a permanent scar.

     Yes. I have done that before. If your older brother wants to play “demolition derby” with his yellow metal Tonka truck and your magenta Barbie van… don’t let him. I still haven’t forgiven him for that.

     Did I learn everything I need to know and is it completely practical? Well… not exactly. If I told you everything I learned… well… your life would not be that exciting now would it? So what can we deduce from this whole array of words?

     To be honest not a whole hell of a lot but at least it took up some of your time. Maybe you learned to not read anymore of my columns, but hopefully yo\u enjoyed wasting some time reading this

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About Trish Reznick

Writer. Pessimistic optimist. News junkie. I write real estate advertising pieces, but my heart's in music journalism. To make the real estate biz more exciting I put music references in to a good percentage of my writings. I guess you could call me a liberal. I have an extensive record collection and I prefer them over MP3s any day... unless that particular day I plan on leaving my apartment. Considering I'm an extrovert, that is quite frequently. I'm a scorpio...which is a nice way of saying I have intense mood swings... I thought that was just called being a chick.

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