Let’s face it. Kids these days are lazy. I personally only work a full time job and one part time job while going to school full time. Even though I work all the time I still never have any money. Why you may ask? Gas is only around $4 a gallon, and so is milk. I’m lactose intolerant so a 1/2 gallon of soy is about $3 (you can do the math for the cost of a gallon, as you know I’m not a math major.) So rather than whining about how poor I am, I IMPROVISE. Any other ways to do so are greatly appreciated! Enjoy!
1. Invest in boxed wine, and drink it with your pinky out because you can’t afford the “good stuff.” What wine really boils down to is fermented fruit anyway.
2. If you can’t afford to pick up some boxed wine, drink iced tea or any other beverage out of a super fancy plastic wine “glass” from the dollar store.
3. Purchase some red lipstick. Preferably in an obnoxious shade I like to call Julia Roberts’ character in Pretty Woman-esque. Even if you’re just mosey-ing around your apartment you still feel distinguished.
4. Who says you need a fireplace? Purchase a yule log DVD and light up a candle that smells similar to a cozy wood fire.
5. Once a month treat yourself to a grossly expensive dining out adventure so you feel less sad about making minimum wage (i.e Olive Garden.)
6. E-books are your friend. Even though I prefer traditional paper and texts I prefer free things. I prefer older books which are usually free on my Nook, so kudos to me!
7. Redbox is another close friend. $1 a night to rent a movie is cheaper than $10 to see a new movie. Then again, if you play your cards right and set up a bunch of dates for dinner and a movie, you don’t ever have to pay to see a movie in a theatre.
8. Speaking of movie theatres take advantage of having a huge purse and stuff the hell out of it with your own IF you have to pay for a movie.
9. Drive-in movies are even better. Cheaper. You can fit a lot of snacks and adult beverages in your car.
10. Since you are probably too poor to go on any sort of vacation especially in the winter, wait for a sunny day, turn the heat on full blast in your car and sip on coconut water. It feels like a real live vacation…until you get out of the car.
11. Spa Masks. Since you can’t afford a vacation too, you sure as Hell can’t afford a spa day. I have learned that the more horrific the photo of the person on the $2 packaging, the more soothing the botanical mask.
12. Buy boozing munchies in advance. The best way to do this is while intoxicated. Con a friend in to being your Designated Driver and then you can pick up what you know you’ll be in the mood for the next time you’re drunk (and at a lower cost)!
13.Befriend thy neighbours. Less of a drive to visit them (if any.) It’s a plus if they live close to the bar… no taxi fare to get home.
14. Keep a case or two of bottled water in your car. Everyone knows classy bitches drink bottled water… not everyone needs to know you’re broke. A single bottle is about $1.25 or a case of 12 or so is about $5. Again, you do the math.
15. If your grandparents, parents, friend’s parents or a random stranger with candy invited you to dinner. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. If you know you are going to be especially poor, set up days in advance so you won’t have to go grocery shopping with the $10 on your debit card.